2nd destination: school

Nylendor find it a little it boring to hear same phrase all over again "school is your second home". But she thinks that it is the 1st one since she have a house. Okay, forget about that stupid idea, yes school is her second destination because is where she would spend a big part of her life. Like other people she would also explore new things and discover new lessons, even if some are not exactly related to her course.

She remember her student's post saying "bakit kailangan pa mag-aral ng Math kung may calculator naman" (not the exact statement), well her student got a point because there are topics that a teacher taught but then the learners cannot apply it in real life. Nylendor agrees but also disagree on it, in some part the student is correct but in some instances she is wrong well it will be a long explanation we better go back on the story. :D

Nylendor spend her days on school and she thinks that it is the best place since their house give her a thousand reason to hate it. The appreciation of school made her feel like there is still a company, her friends make her happy in a way she want it to be.

She is almost there when she felt that being alone is still the cure on her wounds, because there are sickness that a laugh can't heal, like the unrecognized efforts. Actually, in high school, the bitter stage, Nylendor felt it, when she was given an award in recognition (deportment award) her Dad didn't attend, instead her aunt is the one who put that ribbon on her. and in fourth year, she never hear any words from her father, but she expected so much that he will fight for him in the meeting for the awardees. she's not actually blaming her dad for having the seat for 1st honorable mention but she felt hurt because he didn't even asked our teacher.

oh, awful? yes, but it were all part of her school days..
wait for the next part XD

1st destination: a little house (part 2)

"The shadowhunters' world. The vampire thing, the angels and demons" Nylendor told herself. Yes she spent her day with a book knowing that there is no one to talk to but that non-living thing that takes her to another world.

Yes that clumsy little girl can't talk to her sister, yep there is the "yes and no" when being asked but its a little bit tiring to live a life where you have a Mom who doesn't want to talk to you, a Dad who would only command you every single move, an Aunt and sister who will talk to you when they need you and a Brother who only care about his games and other stuff.

But then, at last Nylendor got a convenient excuse the school and VOX, its time to explore the world again. Wooooooooowwww..
I finally got the prize, I catch the freedom out of that scary house.


"bye Mom" she said. too bad there is no response even a question of "what time are you going home" or even "will you have a dinner there?" arrrrgggghhhhh.... But then its alright she must go to school instead of waiting for something that would not happen even in dreams????

"Oh never mind that" Nylendor whispered.


At the school, well, as usual its a happy experience after all, her friends. She doesn't even want to go home, she want to say on that place with real friends she can talk to, where she could feel that she belong to a family.
But again she have to go home, oh she means house because the time is up. The time for happiness ends, and the smile she is wearing should be replaced with a sad face.


Now she is again in the front of the computer expressing what is inside her.  XD

1st destination: a little house

The sun shine so bright and awake the tired body of Nylendor. Her eyes open up but she remain lying on the bed, she thinks of how that day would be in that house where she used to stay with.

The house looks good, the furniture is pretty cool and the food is well served but Nylendor thinks that she doesn't need it, what she want is a home where love is scattered all over the parts of it. A place where the chandelier is the mother, because she lights up the home with her love, a shelter where the gate is the father for he protect the family and there is sharing and fun with siblings. "But it is all part of a fairy tale" said Nylendor, because a house would never be a home without love.

She grew up in that little house, where love is limited, where there is a short length of patience and where affection is badly spared on each member. Yeah, she's a little child begging for attention from her busy Mom and Dad who can't make it for her, who always have their convenient excuses. It is her sanctuary, a shelter, a house but not a home.

Yes, the house where Nylendor lives is her first destination, it is the place where she should first dream despite of all those hurting moments inside it, she must stay to fulfill the things that her family have done.

XD

new?

"We have the right to be wrong" said Nylendor as she stare at the mirror, reminiscing everything from her past. She realize that we really have the right to do mistakes but no, she finally decided to start with something new. A beginning with no one but herself.

She think of "changes", that instead of crying in front of others there would be crying all alone, that if before she used to express her feelings then now it's time to pretend that everything's alright and if before, she considered that fairy tales do come true then this time it would only be an old story that she used to listen before.

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This will be the start that Nylendor dreamed of, she'll change for good, maybe there will still be the childish one, but there will be no him at all.

Our story have ended.

And the dawn of Nylendor and herself have just begun.

melancholy life

"wanting him to love me is like wanting a snow in a summer"- impossible.

I've always wished to have something that I know I can't even touch.

I'm so stupid, I didn't even notice that fairy tales never happens, that our story is not ours, it is only mine, he was just another character but not the main one. What hurts more is the fact that I lose this game again, I cannot own his whole heart, even a piece of it.

I used to be happy while chatting and texting to him but the happiness I felt was all a mistake, I just gave myself a false hope. But I can't blame myself for feeling that way, because I thought it was a "once upon a time" in the beginning, I'm correct but it is not a "happily ever after" in the end".

yeah, there are many man in the whole world, but he is the only man in my own world. And without him, I'll live my melancholy life all alone.

I'll be happy for him, maybe I'll pretend at first but I swear, I will be alright even everything turns out as crap. XD

empty

I've always thought of having my own world with myself. A shelter where I can customize everything, it is not that I don't have enough in reality, but for a reason that only God and I could understand my feelings.

Yeah, I'm one of those "crazy-emo" (not insane). I'm living in a shelter called house but not home. I'm a poor clumsy bastard who want to own a sanctuary, an empty place where I can be with myself. I'm very tired of being in a house where everything is your fault, where your side is unheard and where you can't see the real meaning of love.

I don't hate them, but I hate myself, for being an awkward and for being a fool because I can't even correct simple things. Oh, and include everything that I do that look insufficient to fulfill their efforts.

I'm planning to leave, for good, I want go with my own way. I have to left this house so they could have the "happily ever after" title.

I know, I'm so stupid to think of this but, no, I don't want to be consider as another heavy bag on their backs.

 I think I really have to live on my own. XD